What’s Up?…Open Your World

Keep-Calm-And-Whats-UpSoooo….over a month with zero posts…what’s up with that?  Well I always said I did this for me, and I’ve been so friggin’ busy with work, where I also do a lot of writing, so I’ve kind of just let life marinate for the past six weeks.  I decided to finally write again, because I’d like to keep this going, and because I was waiting to see if Fab could get out of her funk.

I’m happy to say that she did.  She and I share an outdoor hobby where she is completely stealth within the community.  At the beginning of April we went out in nature for a long weekend, and it seemed to make her dysphoria go away.  She simply lights up in nature and it was just what she needed.  She came back from that weekend a different kid.  She’s becoming more comfortable in her skin as she figures out who she is.  She doesn’t need to wear dresses every day, and she has shown herself to be a fierce competitor in soccer where even with her petite frame she refuses to back down to anyone.

Her fierceness, most days, reflects how she tackles life.  She and I will take an outdoorsy trip as soon as school lets out for the summer, and I’m looking forward to spending that time with her.  For those who really know her to think of her as anything but a girl now seems completely foreign.  Even looking at old pictures I find it hard to recognize that kid.  Being trans is just one facet of many that makes up who she is, and this is often where people make mistakes when measuring or judging a trans-person.

I say the above because I want to share the following video, which is actually a Heineken commercial that has a trans-woman in it.  The point is, when we open ourselves up to the world, and actually take the time to talk then pre-judgements can be changed or reversed.  Judge a person for who they are, not what they are.  Enjoy!

 

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Protecting Hearts and Minds

safe-schoolsIt seems more and more I am simply writing about life as of late, and it may be that I can thank President Trump for that.  His election has emboldened ignorant people to discuss things with their kids that once would have been taboo or off-limits.  In addition, and although we do not talk politics with the kids, Fab has already come to despise and fear the Trump administration.  She has picked up that they do not like who she is, and in her eyes that makes them bad people.  Her level of anxiety is only heightened when she has to deal with constant comments from boys she passes in the hallways of her school.

The kids have gotten clever, and are careful in what they say, but typically it runs along the lines of “You’re a boy” or “You’re supposed to be  a boy”.  She always responds with, “No, I’m a girl”, but her internal rage builds with each time she has to defend her existence to another child.  She finally lost control of her temper on Friday, and exploded on her friends over something stupid, telling them, “If I were president, I would kill you all” (A bully used to talk about what he’d do to her if he was president).  Her teacher called Mom to tell her what had happened, and initial anger from the both of us gave way to the desire to understand what had happened to cause my child who is usually the perfect student to show her ass at school.

Fab has always internalized her anger and fear, and in this instance she had been listening to older boys make comments when she was in the hallway.  See, she has to walk down to the clinic to use the bathroom.  If she was allowed to use the girls’ room then she wouldn’t encounter 3rd-5th grade boys on a daily basis, but such is the life of an open trans-kid in a public school.  For several weeks she has been listening to these kids and defending herself, and by Friday it had simply gotten to be too much, and like many of us, she lashed out at those closest to her.

Don’t get me wrong, she is so much more confident and happy since her transition, but we also see a growing anxiety in her at the same time.  She is always aware of her differences with the other girls, and it doesn’t help that there are little things about the school that also serve to remind her of this.  We had been content to let her use the clinic bathroom knowing that Gavin Grimm’s case was going to go before the Supreme Court, and so it was a bitter blow to see SCOTUS kick it back down to the lower court.  This decision has also convinced me that the school district where we live would not be changing its policy anytime soon, and this would not be a good thing for Fab’s mental health.

After some serious conversation over the past few days, I went ahead and applied for Fab and her brother to be enrolled in a nearby school next year.  While she will not be happy to find out she has to wear a uniform or that she will leave her friends behind (who never invite her over for playdates), we have decided that for her overall mental health the new school was a much better choice for her than her current school.  The administration and her teacher have been awesome at her school, but we also know regardless of how demanding we are of the administration and even with their willingness to work with us, as long as kids know Fab started school as a boy, the comments will never completely stop.

The new school has listened to all of our concerns, and agreed to all of our requests.  They will be affirming, and when Fab enters the school come next school year, nobody will know she used to live as a boy except for upper administration.  She will be able to start fresh, without any stigma.  Beginning next year, thanks to the current climate in America, Fab will be going stealth.

The following comes almost directly from my communication with the new school that I had back in November when we first explored a transfer.  I’ve added updates in italics:

  1. She is keeping the name “Fab” but changing her middle name…this takes four weeks to get the official name change recognized.  In the application I put her new, chosen middle name.  Will this be an issue?  I am more than happy to provide paperwork once I receive the new documents.  Since November, Fab’s official name change has gone through, so this would not be an issue anyways, but the school administration agreed to use the name we had requested.
  2. Transcripts coming from Woodstock Elementary will list Fab as male, regardless of what the transcripts say, can the school give her a gender marker of female on its paperwork and class rosters?  I do know that FERPA supports that her records should match her gender identity, and amended where necessary.  Agreed to by the school.  We’ll see if it actually happens, but I can say that the school application does not include any gender-markers.
  3. It is important to her not to be mis-gendered, and to be called by female pronouns.  In my mind the fewer people who know her “status” the better.  Can we limit this to administration?  I know you have excellent teachers, but I have also lived in (State) long enough that religion can sometimes get in the way, and I would hate for that to happen.  She’s a little kid and wouldn’t understand, other than to feel hurt.  I also know that the more people who know allows for a greater chance that someone will slip up or make a mistake that might out her, which is what I want to avoid at all costs.   Finally, I know that Title IX guidance rules state that only people who have a “legitimate educational interest in the information” should be made aware of her “status”.  I can agree that yourself, the principal, and assistant principal may need to know, but don’t see where there is a legitimate need for even a teacher to know because gender doesn’t affect educational interest in the classroom…if in the event of medical emergency the principal or assistant principal would be able to divulge that information to a medical professional, but otherwise there shouldn’t be a need for it.  One of the biggest deals, and thankfully agreed to.  Nobody should be able to out my child except for herself.
  4. The last issue, I will ask about, because I have to.  What is the school’s position on bathroom usage?  I know this has been a sticky issue in the media, and I know she would prefer to use the girl’s restroom, especially as the last place she was bullied (both physically and verbally) was after being cornered in the boy’s rest room at her old school back in September by three older boys (She is extremely small, 7 years old and 6 year old clothing is loose on her).  We’ve just found out this week how bad it has affected her to the point that we will be getting her a therapist to deal with it all.  None of this is your problem, except to say that we just want to make sure she feels safe.  From what I have heard from friends, the principal has a zero tolerance on bullying, so I’m sure safety is important to him.  I just want to know going in, so that I can have those conversations with Fab before she starts school with you.  This was a our swing for the fences moment, and the school agreed to it.  We couldn’t be happier that in all ways she will be seen as she sees herself while going to school next year.  We believe, although she has been resistant to switching schools that such affirmation will do her far more good than wearing what she wants to wear each day to school…besides she can always change everyday when she comes home.

The easiest thing an adult can do for trans-kids is to see them for how they see themselves.  That is all any of them want.  It isn’t about the bathroom, or pushing an agenda on others, it is about living life the same way other children their own age do.  This is the hardest thing for the other side to seem to get.  My kid is seven…sexuality is a long way off.  She doesn’t even think about, but she does know and is aware that she isn’t allowed to use the girl’s room at school.  She uses it everywhere else, and nobody blinks an eye.  It takes a certain level off stress off of Mom’s and my shoulders to know that come next year she will be stealth, and free from the constant comments that have follower her for much of the current school year.

Some may see going stealth as an easy way out, but my daughter is seven years old.  She is not capable of, nor should she have to make a decision yet about living her life out in the open for people to ridicule and challenge her.  This will be a choice that I am sure she will one day make, but it will be “her” choice to make when she is capable of looking at all the different angles, which a seven year old is not capable of, no matter what another might say.

I can say, I have struggled not to come out swinging as an open advocate, so has Mom, which as shy as my wife is, should tell you all you need to know about how angry she is.  Everyday I think about putting a real face to this blog, getting involved more, and putting myself into the more active movement.  However, such actions would out Fab, and might also put my job in jeopardy.  The job risk bothers me less than outing my child, and so I grit my teeth and remain anonymously yours.

Earlier this week, some anti-trans folk found my blog, thinking it was another parent’s at first, and I read some of their comments on a Reddit page.  These folks suggest we brainwash our children, or that as a father I’m spineless and a wimp.  These are similar to things I’ve read and seen in the past, and obviously they know nothing about me, because they would be hard pressed to say such things to my face and come out unscathed, but that’s the nature of internet bitches, isn’t it?  They hide behind their keyboards and monitors, because it is an environment where they can spout their ignorant, bigoted rhetoric without fear of a real reprisal.

If any of you anti-trans folk find yourselves here again, keep in mind you haven’t walked ten feet, let alone a mile in my shoes, or my child’s.  One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard is that only an asshole comments on another’s marriage or family life.  You aren’t in it, and so you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.  You don’t know the hand-wringing, the tears, or the conversations that go on over a few years.  You don’t know how my daughter idolizes her older brother, and would have been happy to follow his example, if only it felt normal to her, which it never did, although she tried very hard to like the things he liked and to be the kind of boy he was.  In short, you don’t know shit about my family, or any other family that is raising one of these beautiful, brave children.  Life will throw enough shit at them, without the uneducated, “internet expert” chiming in on that which they know nothing about.

As for my fellow parents of trans-kids, family, friends, and any trans-persons who find themselves here.  As I tell Fab, you are beautiful for who you are on the inside.  I am amazed at all of your bravery for going out into the world everyday with head held high, affirming who you are, regardless of the ignorant comments, ill-intentioned and well-meaning alike.  You’re ability to grin and bear it is astounding.  Know you have those who will listen to you, and who will fight for you to be seen as you see yourself.  There is much love out there, and in the end love does trump hate.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

lion-and-cubI think the title sums up the events of the week for our family when it comes to trans-related issues in our family.  Obviously, as any family with a transgender child will tell you, and as I wrote last week, trans is just one facet of our family.  It does not define who Fab is, and it does not define who we are as a family, but it is a  part of our life that we are always aware of, especially when national events force us to think about it.

THE GOOD  

The kids went to visit their grandparents for the week (my busiest work week of the year), and I went to court for Fab’s name change.  Living where we live, and the things you hear does lend a certain nervousness to the event.  All that said, the day couldn’t have gone any better.  I was one of the last people to go before the judge, and while she asked others seeking name changes for children the reason why, she did not ask that of me, and in less than five minutes I was done and down in the clerk’s office to get the name change orders.  Fab was happy to hear it when we shared the news on the phone, and while we didn’t think it was a big issue to her, we found out otherwise the week before when she was at the doctor’s and saw the paperwork with her old name still on it.  It was a solid win for us, and another step towards getting all her official documents to match who she really is.

THE BAD

Trump…do I need to say anymore?  Reversing guidance that helps to make our kids feel safe and protected is not only irresponsible, but stupid as well.  Based upon comments before becoming president, I honestly don’t think he personally cares where transgender students pee, but his base and those around him do…so for me this is pandering of the worst kind.  Mom’s anger and fear for Fab is growing as a result of this kind of stuff, among other things, and I hate to see her feeling this way.  Fab, for now, gets to live in a bubble we’ve created.  We know she is aware of more than she lets on, but there is much we are still able to shield her from, and we are thankful for that.

For me, the removal of guidance was mostly symbolic.  A Texas court had put a halt to Obama’s guidance almost immediately, and so it hasn’t been in effect.  Gavin Grimm’s case will go before the Supreme Court in March, and for me this whole issue was always going to come down to Gavin’s case.  If the Supreme Court finds in favor or splits, then Gavin, and all transgender kids will be able to use the bathroom of their choice, regardless of what President Orange thinks.  Granted, it doesn’t help that the executive branch has removed its support of Gavin, but the Supreme Court does not exist in a vacuum, and I have to hope they will do the right thing.  Fab already uses the ladies room most of the time, and as of yet she doesn’t mind using the clinic bathroom at school.  However, we know the day is coming where she will start to care, and my hope is that before the next school year begins that SCOTUS will deliver it’s ruling, and it will be in favor of all transgender students rights.

THE UGLY

By ugly, I am talking about people, and with all that is going on in the world, both Mom and I find it harder to stay silent, and we are no longer hiding who Fab is from those we know, which means if we haven’t told them yet then we are no longer going to hide it when someone asks us “How are the boys?”.  Mom dealt with a co-worker on Friday who asked this question.  This is a woman that my wife has never really cared for, because the woman is ignorant on a wide variety of subjects, and a Trump voter.  She is one of the many who thought the Affordable Care Act was different from Obamacare, to clarify the level this woman is informed on.  Anyways, she asked Mom “How are the boys?” and Mom told her that we actually have a son and a daughter.  She then shared about Fab, and showed her a picture.  The woman responded with, “Well, at least she’s lucky she is pretty,” and Mom went off on her using language she was not proud of.  Another co-worker stepped in to explain why that statement was offensive to my wife.  All women should get why it is offensive without explanation, as if the worth of a woman is determined purely by her beauty.  However, if you take it a step further and apply it to transgender girls/women such a statement becomes even more offensive.

I am a man because that is what I am.  I just know it.  How masculine, muscular, handsome I am has nothing to do with it.  Now, Fab is a girl.  She has known this for a long time in her heart.  Living as a girl makes her feel normal in her own skin.  Living as a boy never felt right to her, and caused her the stress of always pretending.  She did not transition because she thought she would be a pretty girl, she transitioned because that is who she is.  Certainly most of us like to look our best, and I’ve discussed before, as parents, it makes us breathe easier that she will never have to go through male puberty, but telling a transgender person that they’re lucky they’re pretty or that they pass is insulting…period.  Not all cis-gendered women are pretty, or thin, or super feminine in the binary sense, but that doesn’t discount who they are as women, so why should it discount a transgender girl’s identity as a girl?  People need to think before they open their mouths sometimes.  I’m just glad that Mom didn’t punch her, as I’ve said Mom’s been on edge for awhile now.

Finally, I got to deal with an old friend who told me that he doesn’t agree with the whole transgender thing on Facebook.  I’m in no way close to this guy, and haven’t seen him since high school, so it really wasn’t skin off my back.  He ended up deleting his posts after I went after him online.  This is in large part because while his statements were bigoted, he didn’t seem to get that until after I laid it out. Even then,  I still wonder if he got it, or deleted his posts because he was afraid others would see him as a bigot.

When someone tells me they “don’t agree” with the transgender thing, they are telling me they don’t agree that my child should be able to exist as herself.  If you take a moment and substitute “trans” thing with “black” thing, “Latino” thing, or “Jew” thing…how does that paint a person who says such things?  Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it is wrong or incorrect.  My statement led to the man telling me he worries about the safety of his son and daughter…which is also shadow speak for “trans people are perverts.”  I told him he should worry more about cis-men he knows as they are the ones most likely to assault his children.  I invited him to share his data on evil trans-predators, but as I said he deleted his thread without ever sharing…because it is all bullshit.

My hope is that perhaps it made him think, and will continue to make him think.  I can’t know for sure, as I probably will never have contact with him again.  I dropped him as a FB friend, because if someone sees my kid’s existence as a “joke” then that is someone who will not be in any part of my life.

On another note

The kids came home from their grandparents yesterday, and we are thrilled to have them home.  After spending all day in the car to go and get them, this leaves me with one day for my weekend, and so on that note I’m going to stop writing and go spend some quality time with my little monkeys.

 

Tolerance or Acceptance?

1922_anger_insideout_341Feeling a little annoyed and angry this morning because of something I just saw, which got me thinking.

Have you ever listened to someone say they had a “black friend” or a “gay friend”,  but you knew that person would also never invite that “friend” into their home for dinner or a party?  I’ve been quietly feeling this way more and more on behalf of Fab as of late.  Part of the reason has to do with Facebook giving me insight into a parent of one of Fab’s friends, and also the knowledge that Fab has numerous little girl friends at school that adore her, and yet she has not been invited to anyone’s house since her transition.  People are supportive of our decision and tell us we’re brave and that she’s an inspiration, etc.  Many of us with trans-kids have heard these words from people, but this is America, where talk is cheap and putting action to those words doesn’t seem to always go along with the talk.

September was the last time that Fab went to a friend’s house.  She’s had a friend over several times since then, but the invite hasn’t gone the other way.  This happens with cis-kids as well, but at a certain point it leaves you wondering are people tolerating my baby, or do they really accept her?  (I freely admit that this could also simply be the by-product of the busy life of working parents and/or working single parents as well…but I also know there have been invites to other kids since then.)

Tolerance is a simple thing, and many pat themselves on the back when they display such behavior.  Obviously, as a white male, I am going to speak from a position of privilege,  because I recognize I enjoy more than most.  When people confide to me, not knowing about my daughter, and I listen to what they’re really saying…they’re saying they tolerate minorities and LGBTQ folk but they don’t really “accept” them.  Tolerance is easy.  It’s working with or being at the same party with people that make you slightly uncomfortable, but not letting on.  Tolerating someone means you are equipped to make small talk, maybe even give a compliment, but you have no “real” interest in getting to know them better, other than as maybe curiosity to be used in some anecdote or story you might tell other people.

Tolerant people often only see that marginalized individual as one-dimensional.  Fab is transgender, and that is what a tolerant person would see first.  They might think:  “She looks so passable.”  “Her mannerisms are so feminine.”  “Her clothing choices are so girly.”  or one of my favorite.  “If you wouldn’t have told me I would never have known.”  These are surface thoughts, and sometimes they even emerge as comments.  I feel bad for trans-women especially on this front when someone tells a woman, “you are so lucky you pass, most would never know,” because, as any transgender female would tell you, the measure of why someone transitions is because of their ability to “appear” as a beautiful woman (you should be able to detect my heavy sarcasm).

Now, I’ll be the first to say as the parent of transgender girl, that the ability to grow up “passing” is a bonus for Fab.  However, I have listened to the stories of of older trans-women, and it both angers and saddens me to think what many have to go through because society has been so intolerant of them.  As a parent, who loves his child, I would never want her to deal with such things.  The fact that she’ll never have to go through male puberty, and all the scars that it can bring for a transgender woman is a blessing for her, from my perspective as a parent.  However, I also don’t think “trans” when I look at my daughter.  I think little girl, and that is how she sees herself.  I also am thankful to those women who are paving the way, who transitioned later in life, and are making the world a more accepting place for my little girl to become an adult in.  “Trans” is also a label for them, and some embrace it proudly, others just want to be seen as women, but regardless of how others see them, of how you see them, I can guarantee you they see themselves as women because that is who they are.

This is the first step to acceptance, seeing someone for how they see themselves.  Fab is a little girl whose favorite color is pink.  She loves dresses and hates sneakers, preferring flats, sandals, or dressy shoes.  She loves anything with Dove Cameron in it, and would dress like her character, Liv, from Liv and Maddie, everyday if we’d let her.  She loves Beanie Boo stuffed animals, but she isn’t a fan of dolls.  She likes playing Lego video games with her brother.  She loves the outdoors, especially taking walks in the woods.  Athletic, she will play soccer this spring.   She gave up a promising future as a male gymnast, and while she misses it, she has no desire to currently go back to anything from, before.

Her school teachers, staff, and students know her to be kind and caring for others.  While we at home also know this, I also know her to be a little girl that likes to cuddle, and who loves to laugh, and who looks forward to me coming home from work every day.  We also get to experience the diva with a temper that she never shows others outside our family.  I’d like to think most adults around her see her as she wants to be seen, and am thankful that she believes this to be true.  All of this points to acceptance, and for me and her mother, she is our daughter and we love her like no other.  We know her and see her for who she is.  Trans is just one facet, and a minor one when it comes to our daily lives.  Now this may change as she gets older, but it is up to her to decide how much being “trans” is a part of who she is, and it is never for others to decide that for her.

Accepting someone doesn’t mean you have to be their friend.  We all have different personalities, and some we click with, others we don’t.  That’s alright.  What’s not alright is when you see someone and immediately discount who they might be because of the color of their skin, an accent, or the way they look.  Just because you stayed in the room doesn’t make you accepting.

Would you be willing to strike up a conversation on a park bench, or would you count the minutes until the bus arrived (Think Forrest Gump)?  This is the most simple of ways to think of it.  Acceptance is seeing the person and not the label you use to initially define them.  Do you see a black man, or a man?  Do you see a gay couple, or a couple?  Do you see a trans-woman, or a woman?  If you see the former and not the latter, then you have some work to do.  If you can admit it to yourself then you are on the right track.

A Date with My Best Girl

vday1So…I should be working right now because I am swamped at work, but I make it a habit of getting at least one post a week up.  This week I just wanted to take a moment to talk about being a dad.  This will be the first Valentine’s Day I celebrate as the father of a daughter.  For most dads the first usually involves a baby, but for me it involves a precocious 7 year-old.

Fab loves everything about Valentine’s Day.  The red and pink hearts, the idea of candy and flowers, and that it is a holiday centered on love.  While Mom and I have always seen it as more a commercial holiday than anything, and believe that love is something that should be shown every day, and not just once a year…firsts are important to children, and when your daughter gets this excited, you go with it.

About a month ago, Fab asked Mom if I would take her on a date for Valentine’s Day.  She wanted  me to take her to a fancy restaurant (where you get salad before a meal), and where she could wear her Valentine’s dress.  How could I say no?  Not even an option, and so we will go out on Saturday night to celebrate, as February 14th will be a school night, and most restaurants have a pre-set “expensive” menu that my little girl wouldn’t eat anything off of.  To be honest, I am actually looking forward to it.  A year ago I had  what I thought was a son, and now I have an extremely happy little girl.  I couldn’t be happier to see the joy she rampages through each day with.  However, it also strikes me that I have an important job ahead of me, which takes on new significance because my daughter isn’t completely like most girls out there.

Reading the data on trans-women and what they face on a daily basis terrifies me as a father.  Now, I know that many are paving the road for Fab, and our hope is that it will not be near as bumpy when she reaches adulthood.  Nonetheless in a world where trans-women are regularly attacked, beaten, demeaned, ostracized, denied work, forced into sex work, and seen as a sexual fetish…I have the ability to help reinforce in my daughter her value and worth to not only those who know her, but to the world at large.  Put in more simple words…I am the first man that can love her for who she is, unconditionally, and I have the power to show her this daily.  She knows that with my heart and eyes I see her as a girl, and not a “Girl*”.

I don’t want to get into romantic discussions, because I have no idea what Fab’s sexuality will be, and to be honest, I couldn’t care about anything except I want her to find someone who will value and love her as much as her mother and I do.  If I can do anything it will be to create in her a demand to be treated in such a way by anyone she might become romantically involved with as she grows up.

Valentine’s Day, Daddy/Daughter Dances, Birthdays, etc. are all important days where she is watching to see if I treat her as she thinks a dad should treat his daughter.  She doesn’t feel complete yet.  She hides it well, but it comes up in conversations, usually with her mother.  Making some of these things important is stepping out of my comfort zone, but as any good parent knows, it isn’t about me.  Besides a smile and spontaneous hug goes a long way to making it all worth it.

If there is one thing I hope that another father might get out of this post, it would be for you to take your daughter out on a date.  It’s important  for her to feel valued and special.  It also will serve to show her that you see her as she wants to be seen.  Be the man that she will measure all other men by in all manner of situations.  You have a special power to make her strong enough to take on the world as she grows up, and you also have the power to take that strength away.

Manic Pixie Nightmare Girls

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Ok, so I only discovered MPNG after checking out the illustrator for Avery Jackson’s new book, and I have to say I’m digging the comics.  Jessica Udischas has gone on record saying she writes them for herself and transgender women…and that if cis-gendered folk get something from them then that’s not a bad thing.   Keep in mind that these are written for adults and not children (due to language and some themes).  Jessica does a great job of hitting upon subjects and issues that transgender women face in everyday life.

Sadly, at the age of seven Fab has already dealt with a few of Jessica’s themes.  She had been subjected to verbal and physical bullying, and has even dealt with well-meaning people telling her she look just like a little girl.  Often that statement is meant with a head tilt, and a slight shake of the head.  If Fab is feeling particularly sassy, the person might even get a flat stare followed by a “Duh, that’s because I am a girl.”

As a parent, the one cartoon  I related to the most is the subject of being told by others that you’re “brave” because of living your life.  As parents of foster children, and now an “out” transgender daughter we still hear this…how wonderful we are, and how brave of us to let her live as she wants.  While it does make you feel good on some level…at a certain point, as a family, we start to feel like we’re just living our life and letting Fab live her life as she wants to.  We just see it as doing what any good parent would do, and Fab would be the first to tell you she’s just a girl.  She already gets weirded out when people tell her she’s brave.

As for the rest of the comics, I haven’t read them all yet, but as a male they can provide insight into understanding some of the issues that Fab may face as she gets older. Most importantly, as Jessica has said in some podcasts, some of the comics mirror her own experiences, and that includes the  emotions that go along with living as a trans woman.  As parents, we seek to understand what is going on within our children, but we struggle to do so at times, because we don’t live with the same worries and concerns they do.  Already, I see this with Fab.  She is always on guard, ready for someone to be an idiot, and she also has her moments when she doubts herself (Does she sound like a girl?  Look like a girl?  Is everyone laughing at her?..all questions she has asked us at times or nightmares she has had).

Jessica has a real talent, and does an excellent job of expressing these things in her comics, and for that I appreciate her.

If you’re so inclined, check out Manic Pixie Nightmare Girls HERE

It’s OK to Sparkle

Avery.pngWhile I have not ordered or read the book yet.  I wanted to share the love for those interested in possibly buying the book.

I’m looking forward to picking this one up for Fab, as one of her nicknames is actually “Sparkles”.

Written by Avery Jackson (little girl on the cover of the January 2017 issue of National Geographic), a 9 year old transgender girl. “Her book tells the story of how she realized she was a girl and how she helped her parents and friends to understand her transition.”

Feel free to follow the link and get yourself a copy of the book:

Purchase the book HERE