Sooo…it’s be a little while since I’ve written anything of substance. Did I forget? Did I run out of things to say? Nahhh, I was just busy with life over the holidays, and decided to take a little break. I’ve shared before that Fab and her brother were adopted, and so we spent a week looking after two foster kids who had been severely abused. While we may continue to do this kind of thing in a pinch we also realized that our family, with all its color, is good at two kids and two parents. While we had intended to expand our family, we always said we would not do so if it would impact our children negatively, and after having other kids in the house, we realized it would not be in Fab and her brother’s best interest.
Fab appears in a pretty good place at the moment, and is forcing Mom to be girlier than I can remember her being for several years. I think pedicures are on the agenda very soon, and further evidence of this is in the picture above which is a variation off of the room that Fab, her mom, and grandmother are planning for Fab, because she needs a princess bed (any canopied bed), after all, as the title says, she’s a princess dammit!
I’m guessing others of you with trans-daughters deal with this attitude, but for Fab she doesn’t need to say she’s a princess, she just acts the part and we constantly battle to reign her in. She is often seven going on 13, especially with Mom. Her attitude and feisty-ness are crazy, as is her need to constantly have someone pay attention to her. She can be sweet, caring, and thoughtful of others (which is what is keeping her alive). She can also be as nasty as a spitting cobra if the mood strikes her. Just the other day she got into it with her brother, who kicked out one of her top teeth after she kicked him in the face (it was already loose). To be fair, it was payback for two teeth of his she had kicked out a few months back.
On another note, Mom has finally shared about Fab with all the family members that she cares to, and again we have been very lucky on this count. Love wins out again. Fab’s 90 year-old great-grandmother couldn’t have cared less. She said as long as Fab’s happy that is what matters, and then asked if she could send her some dresses, which the princess would never turn down.
Mom also informed me that a certain little girl is dying for me to take her on a Valentine’s Day date. She wants to go for a “fancy” dinner and to get flowers. Fancy means somewhere they give you a salad before the entree. She already has a dress for Valentine’s Day, and so she has to have somewhere to wear it. I think I have the perfect place in mind for us to go.
As of late I find myself watching her mannerisms, wondering what kind of woman she will grow up to be. The way she sits, walks, talks, gets excited, fights with her mom, dances, and unconsciously twirls her hair while thinking. She’s also moving from little kid to big kid, as her favorite shows go from animated to live action shows such as “Liv and Maddie” and “Girl Meets World.” We know she did not choose her gender, and her mannerisms only go further to confirm this fact. Sometimes it is hard to believe that it has only been a little over two months since her full social transition, and she is still sorting out her expression, but in my mind it seems like it has been far longer than that.
For now she is just a little girl. The term “trans” has no real meaning in her world. She simply doesn’t think of herself that way, and has not had a reason to as of yet. We are thankful that so far she has been able to exist in a bubble of sorts, but we can’t wonder who or what will break that bubble. We know something will pop it for her, and we only hope we are there to shield her as much as possible when it is broken.
Perhaps it is the impending inauguration that has me thinking more on this issue as of late. Trump’s election has given license for far more nasty to come out of people and I don’t want my baby girl to be the target of it. Other than friends from school, we are left to wonder how neighbor kids would be if we let her go out to play with them. They knew her before and we know parent attitudes are mixed, and even those who say they support our decision leave us wondering if they really see her as a little girl like their own daughters.
To those Fab knows, she can be off the wall precocious, but to those she is just meeting, Fab is unbelievable shy. As parents it is exhausting to constantly be on guard, not only for her but for those that might pick on her brother as well. This is where parents of cis-gendered children cannot possibly understand what we go through, or the worries for the future we have. I guess, for now, we’ll continue to take it a day, a week, a month at a time.
For now, Fab is looking forward to being able to switch her earrings, Valentine’s Day, playing soccer with her brother, and going backpacking with me this year. In the mean time, she has her crafts, tv shows, trampoline, and playing video games with her brother. I guess living in the moment isn’t such a bad things for her.
Here is to hoping 2017 ends up being a good year for us all!