Every once in a while I see an article I have to comment on, and this is one of those. I could have cited the Breitbart story, but that just gets me even angrier as that bigoted site ran with the headline, “Mom Sues When Agencies Secretly Give Transgender Hormones to her Son.” According to the Post, the mom, Anmarie Calgaro, is suing her 17 year old daughter to stop her from being able to receive hormone therapy. The mother feels that she would like her daughter to wait until she is more mature to make these decisions, or to quote her, “I just want him to slow down.”
Now, I refer to the child as her daughter, because I don’t care how the mother identifies her child. If the child identifies female, then I will do her the respect of also referring to her as such. In addition, it seems to me that this ignorant, bigoted woman is being used, while at the same time dragging her daughter into it for a right-wing agenda to challenge consent laws regarding abortion, but let’s unpack this one.
Child runs away, and six months go by without the mother filing a missing person’s report with the police…that right there says it all. Taking it a step further, a judge grants the daughter emancipation, further suggesting what a “bad” parent the mother is. I’ve dealt with family courts before, and I can say for certain that judges do not terminate parental rights without cause. Once rights were terminated (and this also means the mother ignored a notification to appear or to contest the termination of rights), only then did the daughter begin hormone therapy, and only after a year did the mother finally bring suit with the help of the kind folks at the Thomas More Society (anti-abortion) and the Minnesota Child Protection League (anti-transgender), because as she stated, “Not only was I robbed of the opportunity to help my son make good decisions,but I also feel he was robbed of a key advocate in his life, his mother.”
So, let me get this straight…she has no problem with her daughter transitioning, but wants her to stop hormone therapy, and to wait until older, because at 17, less than a year away from the age of consent is too young? Her assertion is that maybe if she had been involved her daughter might have made the better decision to stay a boy? Obviously, this woman has no understanding of what it is to be transgender (newsflash, you never had a son), lacks a complete understanding of gender identity, and seems to think suing her daughter to prevent the child from doing what she wants will in some way bring them back together again?
It seems to me that this is an end-around by the Thomas More society on Minnesota consent laws that currently allow a young woman to get an abortion without parental consent, because after all if it was against the law then it would stop teen girls from seeking a secret abortion? History is why we have Roe vs Wade, and why abortions are legal. Legal means safe care. Anti-abortion advocates seem to forget this fact. We have only to look at drug laws to see that laws do not stop people from choosing risky behavior, and for teens, a fear of parents often can force risky behavior.
As for the daughter, who is not named and has not gone on the record, well, she has nothing but my support and respect. How brave she had to be to run away from a home that refused to let her live her own truth, and how smart of her to seek help to make her outer truth match her inner one. Many transgender teens would turn to drugs, depression, and sadly to suicide if forced to deny their own truth, but this young lady found a way out, and now her mother, as a political pawn, seeks to pull her back.
Thankfully, the courts have refused the mother’s motion that all therapies must stop until after the case is decided, which also means that in all likelihood the young lady will be 18 by the time the case is settled, and will be 100% free to live her life on her terms.
As parents it is our job to see to it that our children grow up to be productive, independent, and happy adults.
In Fab’s case, she has her own life to live, and I’m living my own. She has her own story to write, and does not need me to write it for her. I hope that she might let me be a part of that story, but I have my own, and that is how it should be. I’m excited to see the story she writes, and I’m sure I’ll love it as much as I love her. I’ll never stop worrying about her, but my worries aren’t about who she wants to be, but rather will she be safe as she travels the path to where she wants to go.
Let your children write their own stories, and find their own truths. It might not be what you would pick for them, but you aren’t them, and what makes you happy doesn’t have to make them happy. It sounds to me like this young lady is an amazing person, and so while the mother makes me angry, it is an anger tinged with sadness that she has chosen to, and may never get to know her daughter. She may miss out on so much because of her inability to let go and to see her daughter for the real person she is.