So it has been a few days since I put finger to keyboard, and it feels like the world has changed forever since last I wrote. If you can tell from the title and my image, big news came this weekend as Fabulous declared to the world (her mother, brother, and myself) that her boy heart had left the building, and she is now a girl. Wait, you may be thinking, it was that simple? No, it was not that simple, but I will share this weekends events because while I like to educate people, first and foremost, this blog is for me, and writing helps to organize the crazed thoughts in my brain.
Saturday was a good day for the family, we watched Fabulous do gymnastics, went shopping, and then out to dinner. Everyone was happy, and the night ended with the kiddos camped out on the floor in our bedroom. Sunday was Fabulous’ birthday, and she woke up ready to go, which is unusual as she is usually a grumpy troll who sleeps in until at least 9 am most mornings if you let her. Anyways, she opened her presents, clothes from Justice, and a stuffed animal from her brother, before slipping into girl clothes for the day. We had no idea that morning, the life of her boy heart could now be measured in hours. Mom took the kids to the park, and then we all went into town to look at the the Halloween decorations and get ice cream. Mom made dinner for us all, “a Feast,” at Fabulous’ request.
It was around dinner time that Mount Fabulous started to show signs of eruption. Earlier in the day, she had asked her mom if she could start wearing girl’s underwear to school (OK, she actually asked for panties, but dads the world over cringe at the thought of speaking of their daughter’s unmentionables), with the caveat that she knew she had to use the stall so no one would see. Mom agreed and we thought that would be the only surprise. Right after dinner we were talking about Fabulous’ two hearts, and she again said the boy heart won’t leave the girl heart alone, and that it was just so mean. Mom told her that lots of people have two hearts, and that we could find a way for them to get along. Storm clouds threatened on her little face, and she sternly said, “No, I want my boy heart gone, forever!”
We sang, “Happy Birthday,” ate cake, and watched part of a movie before bedtime. Not long after bedtime, Mom went upstairs because Fabulous was upset. I walked upstairs to find Fabulous sobbing. She didn’t want to be a boy anymore, she didn’t want to wear boy’s clothes, and she didn’t want to do boys’ gymnastics anymore. She was done with it all.
We talked to her, calmed her down, said she could be a girl every day after school, and on weekends. We said she could be a girl on our Thanksgiving vacation, and we told her she didn’t have to do gymnastics anymore. Our only request was that she stay a boy at school until Christmas Break. She agreed, and in an instant, our little boy was no more.
Now I write the last line, only to counter it with the statement, “The truth is she was never our little boy.” We only saw her that way, and this is a common enough feeling for most parents that have gone through this. We remember the little toddler, the pictures on the walls, and think, what happened? Nothing happened, if your daughter was a book, she was given the wrong binding and cover. Upon opening the pages your eyes finally see the truth, and the story, in it’s entirety. It is exactly what it is supposed to be, regardless of the cover.
She slept easy that night, and in the morning put on her boy clothes to go to school. She would be coming home early to see a therapist for the first time. Mom and I went shopping before picking her up from school, and bought her some dresses and the all important “underpants”. She couldn’t wait to change, and she rocked the dress even more with a pair of purple Dr. Marten’s to finish off her first “full” girl ensemble. The joy on her face in the first picture I took of her will be something I will never forget.
Unfortunately, the first therapist was a wash. Fabulous didn’t click with her, and I would also say some of the questions asked should not have been asked, but I won’t go further than that. I will just say, if the fit isn’t right then move on. This stuff is too important to stay put. The therapist may be great with others, but for Fabulous we are on the hunt again.
As yesterday was Halloween, it was trick-or-treating time, and Fabulous, dressed as Mal from Disney Descendants (her favorite character) went pillaging for candy along with her brother. We see a lightness about her since she made up her mind Sunday night, she seems to be a little freer, and a little sassier, but I’m also meeting my daughter for the first time, and I’m pretty stoked about getting to really know her.
Bedtime is going to be rough for awhile, we know, as she is reminded that she must slip into boyhood for school the next day, and so for the third night she again slept in our room. She received a Tee-Pee for her birthday, and has started calling it her “conversation tee-pee.” I think it has become her safe place. Both of the last two nights she has slept in it, and we know it may be some time before she stops. Whatever she needs to get through these next few weeks, we’ll accommodate her. We have the easy part to play, after all she is the one who has to “do.”
We will continue to adjust to our new normal, and we know there will be challenges, and most likely some tears along the way. We also know there will be celebrations and joy as well. Fabulous gets to finally “do” her, and there is nothing better than when you get to finally be yourself, and people love you for it.
I have to give a shout out to my son, Fabulous’ brother first. This kid is amazing. He was the first to adjust to pronouns, and to his “sister.” He loves her no matter what, and didn’t miss a step throughout the last couple days. I’m proud of my boy, and the the big brother I know he will continue to be to his little sister.
I also need to give a shout out to my secret group peeps. You all know who you are, and your support and advice has meant the world to me, and I think will continue to do so. Keep your heads up, and I will do the same. We’re a community who loves these special kids fiercely, and woe be the person who disparages a kid to my face.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about some of the insights, and things I’ve learned in just the last few days. Now, I know you’re thinking, what can you have possibly learned? My answer is a lot, about myself, about the things I need to take care of, and I could go on. Today, I just wanted it to be about the story, no advice, no real insights. I just wanted it to be about Fabulous. She’s our little diva, and the spotlight should be on all divas for their debut to the world.
(Announcement: I am now on Twitter @RaisingFabulous. Feel free to follow, there is a feed on the main page. Basically, Twitter is the place where I can say whatever comes to mind, some things may be informative, funny, offensive, stupid, or any combination, but it’s my little space where I can let my freak flag fly…and I figure if the orange man with the baby hands can tweet, then so can I…but not at 3 am, that time is reserved for sleeping, and Daddy be tired.)